I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
