If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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