I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
