you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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