I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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