There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
