I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
