when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
