i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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