the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
