don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
