It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
