Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he fucked my hip out of place.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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