Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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