They have a pepper shaker for pot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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