The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
