I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
