Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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