we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
