How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The ass gains better be worth it
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