i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
