Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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