I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
