mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i out mim tonsoeep
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