her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
