If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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