dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize