broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
