1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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