Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
