i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
