Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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