The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
