Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
