They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
