I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
how does that bad decision feel?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
