She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sacagawea was the original milf.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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