google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
