Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone shit on the floor
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
