There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
