You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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