Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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