my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
