She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
