Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
