We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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