The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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