bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
