There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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