Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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