do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
