we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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