My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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