oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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