Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
