i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
