Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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