We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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