You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Pooping to opera.
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