He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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