don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
