i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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