I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
