I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
