I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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